It’s easy to believe we’re doing our best.
It’s much harder to believe that about everyone else.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately on growth, on change, on the person I was a year ago… five years ago… twenty years ago.
And the truth is simple:
At every point along the way, I was doing the best I could.
Not the best possible.
Not the most evolved.
Not the most aware.
But the best I could — with the awareness, experience, and tools I had at the time.
And if that’s true for me… it has to be true for everyone.
Everyone is doing the best they can — based on the awareness they have.
The Truth About “Doing Our Best”
When we say someone is “doing their best,” it doesn’t mean their behavior is optimal.
It means their behavior is what’s available to them.
People don’t act from who they could be.
They act from what they can currently see.
From their lived experiences.
From their conditioning.
From their emotional state in the moment.
From their level of awareness.
And awareness — more than anything — is what shapes how we show up.
It defines what we see… and what we don’t.
People don’t act from their potential.
They act from their current level of awareness.
Where We Get It Wrong
Here’s where things start to break down.
We understand this idea when it comes to ourselves.
We’re far less generous when it comes to others.
We think:
- They should know better.
- They shouldn’t act like that.
- I would never do that.
But what we’re really doing is projecting our awareness onto them — and expecting them to operate from a place they haven’t reached yet.
That’s where judgment enters.
And judgment doesn’t elevate people — it separates you from them.
It creates distance.
It creates resistance.
It shuts down the very connection that change depends on.
Judgment doesn’t elevate people — it separates you from them.
The Shift: From Judgment to Presence
This is where everything changes.
Presence is the ability to see reality as it is — without the filter of expectation, frustration, or ego.
When you’re present:
- You stop reacting to who someone should be
- You start responding to who they are
You see more clearly.
You listen more deeply.
You understand what’s actually driving behavior.
And from that place, you gain real influence.
Because people don’t change when they feel judged.
They change when they feel seen.
When you drop judgment, you don’t lose clarity — you gain it.
Acceptance Isn’t Agreement
Now let’s be clear — because this matters.
Releasing judgment does not mean:
- Tolerating misalignment
- Avoiding hard conversations
- Lowering standards
That’s not presence.
That’s avoidance.
You can accept where someone is without agreeing to let them stay there.
You can see clearly and challenge directly.
The difference?
You’re no longer leading with emotional charge.
You’re leading with clarity
You can accept where someone is — without agreeing to let them stay there.
Awareness Is the Real Lever
If there’s one thing I’ve learned — both as a coach and as a human — it’s this:
Change doesn’t happen through pressure.
It happens through awareness.
You can push behavior.
You can demand results.
You can force short-term change.
But sustainable transformation?
That only happens when someone sees something they couldn’t see before.
Because when awareness expands:
- New choices become available
- New actions become possible
- New results naturally follow
Awareness is the gateway to every meaningful change.
What This Looks Like in Practice
Let’s make it real.
A team member isn’t performing the way you expect.
An individual keeps repeating the same pattern.
A conversation isn’t going the way you want it to.
The old way?
Frustration.
Labeling.
Pushing harder.
The new way?
Pause.
Get curious.
Seek to understand their perspective.
Ask questions that expand awareness.
Instead of trying to fix the behavior, you illuminate the pattern.
And when they see it?
Everything starts to shift.
The Leadership Edge
You can’t lead people from where you think they should be.
You lead them from where they are.
And then — you help them see what’s next.
That’s the work.
When people feel seen (and not judged):
- Trust increases
- Resistance drops
- Ownership rises
And that’s when real change begins.
People don’t rise because you push them.
They rise because they see something new.
The Practice: Presence and Intention
This is where it all comes together.
Presence allows you to see clearly.
Intention allows you to choose how you respond.
In the moment, it looks like this:
- Notice the judgment
- Pause
- Return to presence
- Choose your response with intention
It’s not always easy — but it’s always available.
A New Way to See People
We are all evolving.
We are all limited — at times — by what we can currently see.
And we are all capable of more.
The moment you stop judging where people are… is the moment you can actually help them move beyond it.
I don’t judge where people are —
I meet them there…
and help them see what’s next.
Closing Thought
Judgment keeps you reacting to who someone has been.
Presence allows you to connect with who they are.
And intention?
That’s what helps shape who they can become.
Mark Alan Fish 
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